i think my mom watched the whole time
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
