Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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