Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
