My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
