Yo dont text me then not text me
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
operation have a gay friend backfired
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
