Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
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