We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
