So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
