Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
