we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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