my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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