all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
