my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
