smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
