Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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