also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
