i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
