I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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