Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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