you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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