she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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