those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
