TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
