I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
