You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
