did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
