I've blown a few things in my day
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
