We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
