when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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