I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
