Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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