Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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