So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
