I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
