If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
time to smoke my breakfast
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
