My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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