i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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