I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
