So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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