he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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