I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
