why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
