She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
