Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
