Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
