She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize