Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't deserve a penis
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
