I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
