He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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