is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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