Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
