one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
