the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
