Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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